Q: I am married to a handsome man and have two beautiful young children. Recently, I admired someone from work, and we had a short affair. We still see each other but only at work, and we never really talk anymore. During our affair, he told me he was single, but I found out later that he has a girlfriend.
I don't know why, but I just can't get him out of my mind. I always want to know if he thinks of me or if he's watching me. I don't want to destroy my marriage, but I can't help it. What should I do?
STEVE: If you "can't help it" then you need to get help elsewhere, as in counselling. This sort of self-destructive obsession isn't much different from being an alcoholic or drug addict. Seek help.
MIA: If you want to hold on to your marriage, get a new job. Leave this toxic work situation immediately. As long as you keep seeing this guy, you'll be reminded of the relationship. You must put as much distance between the two of you as possible.
Also, you should try to reinvest in your marriage. Go on a vacation with your husband or to a romantic dinner. Remind yourself why you fell in love with him in the first place.
Q:Do you have any advice on how to handle friendships when you’re in a relationship? My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and we’re doing great, but he doesn’t love my friends and his pals bore me. Should we try to make friends with new people or just accept that we’ll hang out with our friends separately forever?
MIA: Seems a little dramatic to me. First off, it's good to have some time apart from each other, so keep a night once a week when you go out with your respective pals. Then maybe throw a party and invite all your friends and see who gets along. You might be surprised. Also, after you're together a while, I'm sure you will meet people as a couple, but let that happen organically. No point in trying to force it.
STEVE: A relationship, like democracy, is all about compromise. Each of you will need to accommodate the other's friends. But Mia's party idea sounds like fun. Throw them all together and see if any sparks fly.
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