DEAR RHONA: I have a generous friend who is always the first to jump up and lend a hand, offer a lift or drop off flowers to someone feeling down. She recently wound up in the hospital with a serious condition and although she is expected to recover, she is very tired and can't walk very far at this point. I offered my guest room to her, but she is adamant that she can fend for herself (she's a competitive athlete). She is single and lives alone and I worry about her but I can't seem to unlatch her from her apartment. -- Worried Friend
Dear WF: Your big-hearted friend is more comfortable giving than receiving; her stubborn stance sprouts from her belief that if she relents and accepts help she will be seen as weak. Your best bet to wheedle her over to your place is to say: "Is there something wrong with me that you don't trust me? Don't you think I can do as good a job as you do for others?" This shifts the arm-wrestle from a muscle-strength review to a guilt trip. Tell her that her refusal makes you feel inadequate and useless, that she'd be helping you out by showing up.¬ People like to return kind-hearted gestures. Advise your pal that she is hogging the generosity supply and that you want in. Assure her that you will let her determine the length of the visit so she feels she's still in control.
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